The World According to Chick Norris
We have a tradition at Copacino + Fujikado where new employees are presented with a curious welcome-to-the-agency statuette known as Chick Norris. They’re expected to hold onto Chick until the time comes to pass him off to the next fresh face. But what does it all mean? Nobody could really tell me. So I was forced to draw my own conclusions. What I came up with was that each newbie must attach his or her own significance to Chick. Even though you are being welcomed into a family, discovering the meaning of Chick is a personal journey.
Mine led me to believe that if you screw up they’ll stick you in a can, seal it and hand you out as a knickknack albatross to people on their first day.
But something felt off about that interpretation.
When I asked recent newcomer Irene what meaning she gleaned from Chick, she said, “You smell like hummus,” then made a self-deprecating Asian joke.
Interesting, I thought.
When I asked an even more recent newcomer, Sitha, he said “Stop calling me Sade and put on some pants.” Then he made a self-deprecating Asian joke.
Asians are wise, I thought. And love Asian jokes, I thought further.
After these great insights, I began to change my tune. Maybe it means something more positive, something uplifting even. Maybe it means that we all come here as whole chickens without giblets, packed in broth, ready to be eaten. We’ve all had life experiences that qualified us to be here.
Some of us became a doctor at age 14, but still clung to a sense of normalcy with our snarky best friend Vinny Delpino.
Others of us served as a guiding hand and housemother to a group of boarding school girls who were just trying to experience the joys and the trials of adolescence. Then maybe that same person became promoted to school dietitian and four of the girls moved into new quarters right above the cafeteria.
One of us was even a wisecracking furry alien who arrived on planet earth to live with a human family after crashing into their garage.
And another of us became really good at using IMDB.
The point is, we all bring something unique to this great table known as Copacino + Fujikado. Maybe all we need are giblets. Maybe Betti and Jim are the ones who will finally give them to us so we can emerge out of our cans and soar like glittering super-chickens ready to cast our shadows on the world.
When I ran this theory by Jim, he said, “Dude, we just had a canned chicken.” Then he winked. But it wasn’t a creepy wink. It was a wink that said, “Now you’re getting it, grasshopper.”